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On Anniversaries

Marking the anniversary of the passing of a dear one is weird. On one hand, it feels strange, almost morbid to plan something “festive” around such a date but the alternative of letting it slip by unmarked feels horrible. Almost like death is winning because death’s mission was the make sure that this person, who you loved so much, was erased. That they simply faded away with time. For me that has been the central tender point of my relationship with grief. I felt like I had to fight for control of my dad’s memory against a lot of other people - more on that in a future post - and against time. He was no longer here but there were signs that he was here everywhere all the time. It has become a constant battle with my present-day self to prove that this guy was very much still here.

This week will mark 10 years - a full decade - without my dad. I have thought about this milestone for almost as long as he has been gone. I have made so many versions of what I would do to mark the date and honor both his legacy and my own 10-year-long journey with grief. There were versions of a plan that included a Jimmy Buffett concert, a fun dinner and then another version that involved staying in bed all day and hiding under the covers. I want to very much live this date but I also want to just skip it because even a decade later, I still can’t believe that I HAVE to make these sort of choices.

I will keep you posted on what my choice ends up being. The highlight from this week is how many things there are to discuss such things.

We would love to hear from you - what have you done in years gone by to mark such occasions?

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